This is how I started my response in a local moms Facebook group, the second time in a week I was moved to respond to a post.

In this case, a mother was seeking advice for consequences for her 14-year-old daughter, who was failing her classes and spending a lot of time on her phone. She also mentioned that her daughter was smart and raged when she offered to get her a tutor.

Let’s just say I was CRINGING reading the comments. Literally. It was painful.

“Girl, snatch that phone up and put your foot down…Disrespectful behavior to a parent should never be tolerated especially not at 14…Raging mad?!? No way. You can’t let her get away with that.”

“I’d take the phone away. You are the parent, don’t let her control or scare you.”

“Remember ur the adult you’re the boss not her, she doesn’t get a say. Sounds like she needs some tough love.”

“Simple. Take away the phone. Problem solved! If she is capable of a passing grade she will definitely get one without a phone.”

“Well I’m an ahole parent and if I had to I’d get a landline. You bet your buns I’d take the phone away. It’s not your fault she’s taken advantage of your kindness.”

I think you get the idea.

I know these parents meant well and were trying to help. Heck – a decade ago I may have given similar advice. And, if your initial thought matched the comments above, it’s completely understandable. Most of us were raised with “traditional” parenting — the idea that “good” kids listen, and “good” parents make their children listen — so these reactions make sense.

But I’ve since learned – a lot. And once you experience that lens change, you can’t go back.
Here are a few things that stood out to me:

So here’s how I saw it:

This story illustrates one of the many reasons that I decided to create a parenting membership. It kills me when I go into these groups and see well-meaning, but ill-advised responses. And sometimes the parents get quite heated, especially when their traditional parenting values are questioned.

I wanted to create a safe, non-judgmental parenting space, where parents know they are getting tools, strategies, and feedback consistent with the way they want to parent. Where imperfection is celebrated and like-minded parents support, encourage, and share ideas with each other as they work through their individual parenting challenges.

Want to learn more about the Flipped Parenting Membership? Click here to learn more.