The kids are home from college this week, and I’ve officially kicked off “Operation Bite My Tongue.” 🤪 Spoiler alert: it hasn’t been easy.
At first, I caught myself falling into old habits.
- “Lock the door.”
- “Put your dishes away.”
- “Why are there still dirty dishes?”
- “Close the refrigerator door!”
- “Why are you doing it like that—do it like this?”
- “Why are you always wearing headphones?”
And of course, when I went out of my way to help, I made sure they knew. “I did your dishes for you,” I shared knowing they would be more annoyed than grateful.
But none of this was working. Tension was building, and honestly, this isn’t how I’d like to spend this precious time together. Heck, if someone followed me around all day nitpicking my every move, I’d be annoyed too. Who wouldn’t be irritated by someone pointing out what they’re doing “wrong” all the time? If someone did that to me, I’m sure they’d rack up plenty of “helpful suggestions” in no time.
That’s when I decided: it’s time for Operation Bite My Tongue.
Table of Contents
The Struggle: Why It’s Hard to Keep Quiet
Biting my tongue has been no walk in the park. Each time I spot unfolded laundry, crumbs on the counter, or an open fridge door, it takes every ounce of willpower not to snap. My inner dialogue is relentless: “Why?! Just… why??”
At first, I thought literally biting my tongue would be enough. I tried holding my breath, clenching my teeth, and gritting my way through the frustration. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t working. I wasn’t being intentional about why I was biting my tongue—or what I wanted to focus on instead.
And the result? I’d abandon the mission altogether. I’d hold things in only for it all to burst out later in a full-blown rant—one long-winded critique filled with frustration and annoyance. No one felt good after that. Least of all, me.
I realized, this isn’t about silence—it’s about mindset. If I keep focusing on every tiny imperfection, I’ll miss the bigger picture and risk ruining my precious time with my kids over things that don’t truly matter. That’s when I made the shift:
Instead of just biting my tongue in frustration, I decided to focus on finding the good in what my kids were doing.
That’s when Operation Bite My Tongue really began.
A New Perspective: Shifting My Focus to What They Do Right
Here’s what I’ve realized: my kids actually do a lot of things right. If I stop sweating the small stuff, I can see how amazing they really are. My focus on the nitpicky things has been overshadowing how many wonderful moments, habits, and qualities they bring to the table.
For instance:
- The child who didn’t do her dishes? She made an incredible lunch and shared it with me—and it was absolutely delicious.
- The child who wears headphones constantly? When I stopped harping on it, I noticed she took them off for a few hours. Sure, they’re back on today, but I realize they’re her way of protecting her space and sanity—and I respect that.
When I made the choice to stop letting everyday annoyances steal my attention, I discovered something surprising: the list of positives is much longer than I expected (and it keeps growing!). It’s all about the lens I choose to see them through.
Are We Drawing Them Closer or Pushing Them Away?
The truth is, as parents, we sometimes unintentionally push our kids away. Those lectures, corrections, and comments might come from a place of love, but they don’t always feel that way to our children. Parenting is full of moments where we have a choice: are we pushing them away, or drawing them closer?
One morning, I tried a new approach. I saw a pile of unfolded laundry they forgot. Normally, I’d have said, “How could you leave this here?” Instead, I just moved on knowing they would eventually need the clothes sitting there.
Another day, when I found a sink full of dishes, I resisted the urge to make a big deal about it. Did it really matter in the grand scheme? Would giving a speech change anything? (Spoiler: it wouldn’t.) So, I quietly washed them up while I made my coffee —no announcement, no “I did this for you.” Just a small, simple act of kindness.
And you know what? I felt better. Letting go of those small battles kept the peace—and none of us had to start the day worked up over things that didn’t truly matter.
The Power of Pausing
Now, whenever I feel the urge to correct, lecture, or nag, I ask myself one simple question:
“Is this necessary?”
Will what I’m about to say draw us closer, or is it just my frustration or need for control talking? More often than not, I discover that silence speaks louder. Love is in the unspoken actions—in the folded laundry, the quick smile, the words I choose not to say.
When I step back, I notice things I might’ve missed otherwise. And when I stopped nagging, they started noticing—and even fixing—the messes on their own.
Everyone feels lighter when I focus on what’s good instead of harping on what’s wrong.
A Challenge for You: Join Operation Bite My Tongue
With your kids home for the holidays, I invite you to join me in Operation Bite My Tongue.
- Pause before you speak.
- Focus on the positives.
- Don't sweat the small stuff.
- Ask yourself if the comment is necessary—or if silence and patience might serve better.
Celebrate the moments they get it right. A quick “thank you” for helping, a kind word when they surprise you—it’s these small acknowledgments that leave the biggest marks.
This week, let’s focus on drawing them closer, not pushing them away. These moments together? They’re fleeting. Let’s make them count.
Your Free Tools for More Cooperation
Want to take it a step further?
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- Increase cooperation without punishment, threats, or yelling.
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